Happy Vacationeers

My wife Fhanie and my little daughter Danielle during our vacation in Siargao Islands, Philippines. They are the happiest vacationeers in the island and maybe the whole wide world!

TAKE MY SON

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands.

He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art." The young man held out this package. "I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this."

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. "Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift."

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.

On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the bidding with this picture of the son.. Who will bid for this picture?"

There was silence.

Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, "We want to see the famous paintings.. Skip this one."

But the auctioneer persisted. "Will somebody bid for this painting. Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?"

Another voice angrily. "We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!"

But still the auctioneer continued. "The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. "I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

"We have $10, who will bid $20?"

"Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters."

"$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son.

They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.

The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!"

A man sitting on the second row shouted, "Now let's get on with the collection!"

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is over."

"What about the paintings?"

"I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.

The man who took the son gets everything!"

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: "The son, the son, who'll take the son?"

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

 

 

PAID IN FULL

After living what I felt was a life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a courthouse. The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.

As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen. I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.

The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off of Him. As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."

The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies I told, things I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank. I was so embarrassed, I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins even I completely forgotten about.

As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all. I know I was guilty of those things, but I did some good in my life – couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?

Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all I have charged and there is not a person who can prove
otherwise."

When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward. As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty. I realized why He seemed sofamiliar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.

He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad," then He turned to address the court. "Satan was correct in saying this man sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished."

Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so this person might have eternal life and he accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine."

My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the Book of Life and no one can snatch him from Me. Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."

As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said,"There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all."

The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips… "This man is free The penalty for him was already paid in full. Case dismissed"

As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win the next one."

I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?" Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that comes to Me and asked Me to represent them, received the same verdict as you, "PAID IN FULL."

Explain To Me

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time heymade love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well,after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, hilethey were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she urnedon the lights.

She looked down… and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device… a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a realone.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at im,"how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain ourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

deadly at scrabble

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at
Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands

from cousin lisa 

Paagik-ik

Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?" Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!" ________________________________________________________________ Bisaya 1: " Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan."! Bisaya 2: " Dili bay!" Bisaya 1: " Kay Hipi?" Bisaya 2: " Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat niya sa likud o, "'SAFARI'." _______________________________________________________________ Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala niya ang limang anak namin." Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!" Misis: " Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa iyo diyan!" _______________________________________________________________ Hello! Heto na naman ako. Gulu ng-gulo ulit ang isip ko. May nais lang sana akong itanong sa inyo. Alam ko matutulungan niyo ako Ang BIRDS FLU ba ay past tense ng BIRDS FLY? _______________________________________________________________ Nakasakay ka sa FX, ng ikaw ay mautot. Buti na lang malakas ang tugtog. Bawat pag-utot, sabay sa tugtog. Nang ikaw ay bumaba, ang sasama ng tingin nila sa iyo, bigla mong naalala…naka Walkman ka pala! ______________________________________________________________ WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon. HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako. _______________________________________________________________ 1st night lola wore see thru dress, lolo didn't react… 2nd night lola wore t-back, lolo still deadma… 3rd night lola all naked, lolo said "anu yan suot mo, gusot-gusot!!" _______________________________________________________________ AMO: sagutin mo ang telepon inday! INDAY: (baligtad ang hawak) hilo? hilo? AMO: baligtarin mo! INDAY: lohi? lohi? AMO: telepon ang baligtarin mo! INDAY: Puntili, puntili _______________________________________________________________ Juan: bday ng asawa ko Pedro: ano regalo mo? Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya. P: ano naman sinabi? J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND. P: ano binigay mo? J: Baraha. ________________________________________________________________ Pedro: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ko ng hearing aid. Grabe! ang linaw na ng pandinig ko! Juan: Talaga?! Magkano bili mo? Pedro: Kahapon lang ________________________________________________________________ Teacher: We are descendants of Adam and Eve! Student: That's not true! My dad sez we are descendants of an Ape! Teacher: We are not talking about your FAMILY! ________________________________________________________________ Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love. Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw hindi na. ________________________________________________________________ KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?" KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala pa rin siya! Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya."