Birong Pinoy

JUDGE: Isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord,
            swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?
ACCUSED: Meron po. Pulis po ako
 

 BETH: Halata na ang tiyan mo. Bakit hindi pa kayo papakasal ng BF mo?
 MARIA: Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh.
 BETH: Sino may ayaw, Tatay o Nanay?
 MARIA: Yung misis niya.

 
 Quiapo Church :MRS: Lord, bigyan ninyo ako ng P1,000 kasi anak ko na
                        sa hospital.Narinig ng pulis, naawa, binigyan ng P500.
 MRS: Lord, next time huwag padaan sa pulis, nabawasan agad
 

 Young lady to the new parish priest:
 LADY: Father, ang cute mo, bakit pumayag kang magpari?
 PRIEST: Ayaw kasi pumayag ni mama na mag-MADRE ako!
 

 JEEP PASSENGER: Manong bayad.
 JEEP DRIVER: Saan galling?
 JEEP PASSENGER: Sa akin.
 JEEP DRIVER: Papunta saan?
 JEEP PASSENGER: Sayo

 
 Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!
 Misis: Eh ako, sino?
 Mister: Si DACOS!
 Misis: Dacos? Sino ‘yun!
 Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs
 

 Job interview… .
 Boss: Ano ang alam mo?
 Rommel: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis mo, at kung saan
 nakatira ang kabit mo.
 Boss: o cge.. tanggap ka na!

 
 Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy na ang misis ko kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng
 timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya..
 Jorge: Ano’ng resulta?
 Tomas: Nabawasan ng 10 kilos ‘yung kabayo!

 
 Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
 Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
 Ama: Ano, madali ba?
 Anak: Chicken na chicken!
 Ama: Anong grade mo?
 Anak: Itlog po.
 

 Dalawang holdaper sa bangko….
 Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
 Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
 Holdaper: Gago! Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang
 natin sa balita kung magkano!

 
 Guro: What is 34 books + 25 books?
 Pilo: 59 books po.
 Guro: Good. Ang 18 + 29 + 30 books?
 Pilo: 77 books.
 Guro: Very good. Now, what is 950 + 136 + 672 + 490 + 854 books?
 Pilo: Ma’am, library po!
 

 Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
 Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado ‘yon.
 Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
 Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.

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What Qualities Do People Respect Most in a Supervisor?

This question has no concise answer. One management professor and business writer asked hundreds of employees about the qualities they most respected in a boss; here are two dozen answers that he heard most often.

A good supervisor:

1. Keeps up-to-date on situations that affect future projects.
2. Maintains a positive attitude.
3. Has sound oral and written communications skills.
4. Explains actions and decisions that affect employees.
5. Doesn’t play favorites.
6. Delegates authority and creates depth in management by allowing employees to do some of his or her job.
7. Is specific when giving instructions about delegated assignments.
8. Gives employees incentives to improve their job knowledge and efficiency.
9. Cross-trains employees so they can cover each other’s absences.
10. Gives praise for work well done, and compliments as well as criticizes.
11. Is aware of problems that employees are having with each other.
12. Asks questions frequently, and is a concerned and active listener.
13. Organizes work schedules and assignments as effectively as possible.
14. Displays a professional attitude toward the work and employees.
15. Shows a human side; isn’t compelled to act like “the boss” all the time.
16. Works with lower-level employees occasionally to understand what they do.
17. Takes time to listen to new ideas.
18. Pays attention to broader problems; avoids nit-picking.
19. Keeps people informed about changes.
20. Discusses problems with subordinates as soon as possible instead of letting things reach a boiling point.
21. Expresses feelings honestly.
22. Attempts to know each employee as an individual.
23. Uses new strategies that will make the organization more productive and competitive.
24. Shows confidence in subordinates.

From: The Rookie Manager by Joseph T. Straub

Dionesio Signar Flores Family Reunion 2007

At last I uploaded the video I made out of photos taken during the Dionesio Signar Flores Family Reunion in Anislagan, Placer, Surigao del Norte on May 17, 2007.

Gutsy Me!

I’ve never seen the office as busy and pressured like what it is in the whole month of September 2007. We are very much occupied preparing the documents
for the performance review in Davao City on September 28-30, 2007. We learn from the review of the other regions that the panel are asking unexpected questions and giving straight forward comments.

Aside from preparing the report matrices and powerpoint presentations we are also practicing our “first ever” mini-cultural presentation. Technologists are made into artists and it’s not an easing task. Worst of all, I volunteered to sing in during the event (gutsy me!). I volunteered because I thought I will be exempted from dancing if I will sing. But I’m wrong… the instructor make me dance for all the numbers. Maybe he needs somebody to highlight how bad dancers we are..hehehe.

I’m pessimistic at first but as the practice progresses, we became better in dancing. My gust gets stronger too!

Then the day of our presentation came and everything goes fine. But to my dismay, the panelists ask easy questions and give benign comments. Maybe it is because my director and bosses handled the presentation excellently.

Then the day of reckoning came… the cultural presentation day! To my astonishment, I danced and sing like I’m just practicing. I don’t know what happen that day, but I’m just relaxed and very confident. May it’s because of the lansones I ate or the calamansi juice I drink but I believe its because we’ve practicing for more than one month.

In my case, practice don’t make me perfect… it makes me more gutsy.

With the performance review finished I’m back in my usual work again. At last its over!

We and our boss

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,

When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough

When I don’t do it, I am lazy,

When my boss does not do it, he is busy,

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,

When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,

When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake, I’ am an idiot.

When my boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.

When my boss is out of the office, he’s on business.

When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.

When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview

When my boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked

When I do good, my boss never remembers,

When I do wrong, he never forgets

Ultimate Truths Of Life

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.

If at first you don’t succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.

He who has the gold, makes the rules —- Murphy’s golden rule.

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

If you have paper, you don’t have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don’t have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.

Especially for Engineering Students—-If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker.