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Something to think about before the elections
While walking down the street one day a senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” says the senator.
“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up.
What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”
“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the senator.
“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of ! the peop le.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before the senator realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven.”
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
“I don’t understand,” stammers the senator.
“Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”
The devil smiles at him and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning
… Today, you VOTED.”
PLEASE VOTE WISELY IN THIS COMING ELECTION.
9 comments April 21, 2007
Wake Up Call
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she’s blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He’s always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her, “now that you can see the world, will you marry me?”
The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. “Just take care of my eyes dear.”
This is how human brain changes when the status changed.
Only few remember what life was before, and who’s always been there even in the most painful situations.
Life Is A Gift
Today before you think of saying an unkind word –
Think of someone who can’t speak.
Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
And when you are tired and complain about your job –
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down –
Put a smile on your face and thank God you’re alive and still around.
Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it.
Add comment December 14, 2006
WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE? CAKE OR BED?
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts: “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”
He looks at her and says angrily: “Fix the light, now? Does it look like i have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!”
The wife asks, well then: “Could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.”
To which he replied, “fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so. “
“Fine”, she says “then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They’reabout to break.”
“I’m not a damn carpenter and I don’t want to fix steps”, he says. “Does it looklike I have ace hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve hadenough of you. I’m going to the bar!!!!”
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feelguilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he entersthe house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, henotices the fridge door is fixed.
“Honey”, he asks, “how’d all this get fixed?”
She said, “well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice youngman asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs,and all i had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.”
He said, so what kind of cake did you bake for him?
She replied,
“Hellooooo…….do you see goldilocks written on my forehead? I don’t thinkso!!!”
Add comment September 5, 2006
A Million Times Smarter
There were three men who died and before God would let them into heaven, God gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted.The first guy said, ” I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter.”So God made him 100 times smarter.The second guy said, “I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 times smarter.” So God made him 1000 times smarter.The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said, “God, make me better
than both of them, make me 1,000,000 times smarter. So God made him a woman.
Add comment September 5, 2006
I don’t have an email
A jobless man applied for the position of “office boy” at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as
a test.
“You are employed.”
He said.” Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the
application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.”
The man replied “But I don’t have a computer, neither an email.”
I’m sorry”, said the HR manager, “If you don’t have an email, that
means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”
The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only
$10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a
10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two
hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation
three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can
survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return
late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought
a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the
conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man
replied, “I don’t have an email”. The broker answered curiously, “You
don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can
you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!”
The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes, I’d be an office boy at
Microsoft!”
Moral of the story:
M1 – Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 – If you don’t have internet, and work
hard, you can be a
millionaire.
M3 – If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an
office boy,
than a millionaire……….
Add comment September 5, 2006
This Pastor has guts!!
When
Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas
Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but
this is what they heard:
“Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek
your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, ‘Woe to
those who call evil good,’ but that is exactly what we
have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and
reversed our values.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.
We have abused power and called it politics.
We have coveted our neighbor’s possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted
the air with profanity and pornography and called it
freedom of _expression.
We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it
enlightenment.
Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and
set us free. Amen!”
The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the
prayer in protest.
In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively.
1 comment July 24, 2006
Magandang kwento . . . totoo at tumatalab . .
Isang
bagong-saltang kaluluwa ang umakyat sa langit ang ngayon ay nakaharap kay San
Pedro. Namasyal silang dalawa sa langit. Magkahawak-kamay silang
naglakad-lakad sa isang malaking silid doon na puno ng mga
anghel.
Huminto si
San Pedro sa harap ng isang lupon ng mga anghel at nagsalita, “Ito ang
silid-tanggapan. Sa silid na ito, tinatanggap lahat ng mga kahilingan sa
panalangin.”
Pinagmasdan ito ng kaluluwa, at nakita nitong abala ang
lahat sa pag-uugnay-ugnay ng mga kahilingan na nakasulat sa bunton ng mga
papel na galing sa buong mundo.
Nagpatuloy silang maglakad hanggang
madaanan nila ang pangalawang lupon ng mga anghel. Ang wika ni San Pedro sa
kaluluwa, “Ito naman ang ‘Packaging at Delivery Section’. Dito, ang biyaya at
mga pagpapala na hiniling ng mga tao ay binabalot at dini-deliver sa mga tao
na humingi noon.”
Nakitang
muli ng kaluluwa kung gaano ito kaabala. Maraming anghel doon ang talagang
subsob sa trabaho sa dami ng mga pagpapalang hiniling at dini-deliver
araw-araw sa lupa.
Hanggang sa dumako sila sa huling lupon, sa
pinakamalayong lupon. Huminto ang anghel doon sa isang maliit na lupon.
Sa kanyang pagkamangha, iisang anghel lamang ang nakaupo doon, walang
ginagawa.
“Ito ang
‘Acknowledgement Section,” sabi ni San Pedro.
“Bakit tahimik?
Wala ba silang ginagawa rito?”
“Nakakalungkot,” sagot ni San
Pedro,”pagkatapos makatanggap ng sagot sa kanilang mga panalangin ang mga tao,
kakaunti ang nagbibigay ng pasasalamat.”
“Papaano ba magbibigay ng
‘acknowledgement’ ang mga tao sa Diyos?”
“Simple
lang. Sabihin mo lang na “Salamat po Panginoon.”
“Ano bang
pagpapala ang dapat nilang ipagpasalamat?”
“Kung may pagkain ka sa
iyong hapag-kainan, damit na sinusuot, may bahay na tinutuluyan at kamang
tutulugan, ikaw ay mas mayaman sa 75% sa mundong
ito.
“Kung may
salapi kang naiipon sa iyong pitaka at may natitira pang pambili ng pagkain,
ikaw ay isa sa 8% na may mga kabuhayan sa mundo.
“Kapag nakuha mo ang
mensaheng ito sa iyong computer, bahagi ka ng 1% sa mundong ito na may ganyang
oportunidad.
“Kapag gumising ka sa umagang ito na walang sakit, mas
pinagpala ka sa milyong tao sa mundong ito na hindi na makagising dahil sa
hirap ng buhay.
“Kung di
mo nararanasan ang takot sa gitna ng giyera, ang kalungkutan sa loob ng
piitan, ang pasakit ng mga pagsubok, at ang pangil ng pagkagutom, mas malayo
ka nang milya-milya sa 700 milyong tao na nabubuhay sa mundo.
“Kung
buhay pa ang iyong mga magulang at nananatiling magkasama sa bisa ng kasal,
kakaunti lang kayo.
“Kung naititingala mo pa ang iyong ulo nang may
ngiti sa iyong mga labi, hindi ka kasama sa karamihan. Naiiba ka kaysa
sa kanila na puno ng kapighatian at mga kagulumihanan.”
Tanong ng
kaluluwa, “Kung gano’n, papaano ako magsisimulang magpasalamat?”
“Kung
nababasa mo ang mensaheng ito, nakatanggap ka na naman ng dobleng pagpapala,
dahil may isang nagpadala sa iyo na iniisip na espesyal kang nilalang, at mas
pinagpala ka kaysa sa dalawang bilyong mga tao sa buong mundo na hindi
marunong magbasa . . .
“Pagpalain
ang araw mo, bilangin mo ang iyong mga pagpapala, at kung ibig mo, pagpalain
mo rin ang mga tao sa iyong paligid upang malaman din nila kung gaano sila
pinagpala ng Panginoon.
ATTN: Acknowledgement Department: “Salamat po, Panginoon. Salamat po sa
pagbibigay mo sa akin ng abilidad na ibahagi ang mensaheng ito at sa
pagbibigay mo sa akin ng mabubuti at magagandang tao na babahaginan
nito!
2 comments June 13, 2006
The Differences Between Men and Women
If
Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If
Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20,
even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.
wife.
woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears
and hopes and dreams.
thing.
Add comment June 7, 2006
BEFORE COMPUTERS…
An application was for employment,
A program was a TV show,
A cursor used profanity,
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age,
A CD was a bank account,
And a floppy disk was something
Terribly wrong in your back.
Compress was something you did to garbage,
Not something you did to a file.
And if you unzipped anything in public,
You’d be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire,
Hard drive was a long trip on the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut – you did with a pocket knife,
Paste – you did with glue.
A web was a spider’s home,
And a virus was the flu!
Add comment May 10, 2006
It Depends Whose Hands It’s In
A basketball in my hands is worth about $19.
A basketball in Michael Jordan’s
hands is worth about $33 million.
It depends whose hands it’s in.
A baseball in my hands is worth about $6.
A baseball in Mark McGwire’s hands is worth $19 million.
It depends whose hands it’s in.
A tennis racket is useless in my hands.
A tennis racket in Venue Williams’
hands is a Championship Winning.
It depends whose hands it’s in.
A rod in my hands will keep away a wild animal.
A rod in Moses’ hands will part the mighty sea.
It depends whose hands it’s in.
A sling shot in my hands is a kid’s toy
A sling shot in David’s hand is a mighty weapon.
It depends whose hands it’s in.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my
hands is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in
God’s hands will feed thousands.
It depends whose hands it’s in.
Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse
Nails in Jesus Christ’s hands will
produce salvation for the entire world.
It depends whose hands it’s in.
As you see now it depends whose hands it’s in.
So put your concerns, your worries, your fears,
your hopes, your dreams, your families and your
relationships in God’s hands because…
It depends whose hands it’s in.
Add comment May 5, 2006
